Try to create a logical, reasonable, precise argument that you can use to make the offending person aware of their mistake. What’s important too is not to judge your reactions. Being angry opposes our identity of being empathetic. Anger/frustration/stress is natural, part of being human. It’s not always meant as a passive-aggressive instinct. I started at 30 seconds a day and am up to 20 minutes. INFJs back-up their Ni with Fe. The water has reached its boiling point but yet we still force the lid down and try to hold our anger in. I realize that most of the time, we can satisfy our own needs. On the one hand, we want to create external peace and be helpful. Trying to express reasonably why an offense is wrong, being very particular with your choice of words, and staying tuned into the emotional affect those words are having. People usually don’t associate the word “anger” with INFJs. Whenever you feel angry at your family members, spouse, friends, take the letter out and read it, and your anger will naturally subside. If you don’t, you will miss valuable information. So try to understand the real pain behind your anger. How does this matter in the grand scheme of things? After that phone call, I started observing how I feel when I’m around parents who are angry with their children and I realize that I feel rather uncomfortable, afraid even when they are angry. Expressing anger aggressively can hurt our relationships. Like in the Quora example previously mentioned, seeing the man attacking the bus driver, the INFJ turned into an “Incredible Hulk”. I don’t remember why I did that but I remember he provoked me and I just went out of control. No one likes to talk about the dark side of the INFJ, one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types.INFJs are supposed to be gentle, thoughtful, and kind-hearted. Even when they realize that they made the right choice, it still becomes something that they will have doubts about later on. Then, this accumulated anger gets released in one shot without warning, sometimes, over something minor. The INFJ in the Quora example might have been physically abused as a child or have witnessed a close one being physically abused and that’s why he reacted so drastically to seeing someone being attacked. INFJs can become bothered by how they see people treat those around them, and this is something which becomes deeply unsettling to them. So the angry part of us is often repressed and get rid of unconsciously. INFJ Anger Repression: Silent Treatment and Withdrawal. We become out of touch with our own anger. We just don’t like to be angry and express our anger. What happened as a result is a display of explosive anger. But luckily, they understand where I’m coming from and respect my desire for serenity. Probably my mind had blocked out most of this unhappy memory because it doesn’t fit the INFJ persona. Let’s take a look at the INFJ function stack and how that’s affected by anger-triggers. INFJs enjoy analyzing, categorizing, solving problems, and expressing their ideas clearly in writing. However, once they are, beware. Instead of stopping him, I froze and let him take my homework away. Otherwise, the anger will keep coming back until you get the message. Understanding how each time experiences these emotions is an important step towards understanding them better as well. If INFJs are in a state of grip stress they can be more harsh, reactive, blunt, and critical than usual. Here’s how to deal with it. Extraverted feeling will be absorbing all the mixed emotions, sensing everyone’s discomfort, and feeling a compulsion to “fix” this situation. But after having depression , I realized that I have a very bad relationship with anger. 8. To live a more peaceful life, we have to be in touch with our anger and know how to manage it appropriately. The reasons why INFJs feel anger is mostly the same as other people. The issue with experiencing anger is that some people choose to repress this and that […] I was bullied by my classmate because I refused to let him copy my homework. For example, I used to not want to close the door when I’m working on something because I didn’t want my family members to feel bad about watching TV or having a conversation with each other in the living room. 3. Let your anger vent a little and listen to it mindfully. They may feel that they can’t trust their intuition, which is a dangerous place for an INFJ to be. 4. They care about the emotions of those around them, and want to focus on helping others in most situations. But on the other hand, we want our personal desires and values to get met. And no, we don’t always manage our anger by door-slamming – although some do. Their insight into future possibilities and implications can be transformative at best and uncanny at worst. During these stages, they can seem brash, indulgent, and careless. After discussing with my younger brother and sorting out the timeline with him, I realized that my rage might be a result of past trauma. They experience a sense of guilt over their own actions, always feeling as if they could have done better or helped others more. But when we over-identified with our extraverted feeling (Fe) function, it causes us problems. But you don’t want to see it. But hate can also be easily softened by love. Our over-analysis of a person or a situation can make us trapped in resentment and anger for a long time, especially if it has to do with betrayal, being manipulated or lied to. They place a lot of pressure on themselves to be there for their loved ones, but can also be perfectionists when it comes to their own actions and goals. INFJs usually feel uncomfortable and even ashamed of being angry. However, sometimes, the internal venting might make you feel uncomfortable. Our empathy for others can help us see the perspective of the other person easily and forgive them for their wrongdoings. Before reacting to an offense we’re going to mull over it in our minds for a while to make sure we’re not being rash or impulsive. Grip stress is extremely unpleasant for INFJs. You might use intuition and thinking at the same time while expressing yourself through extraverted feeling. There is always something you can do. This is the same with your own anger. Never push your anger away. It became a self-protection mechanism to prevent myself from getting bullied or be taken advantage of. Acknowledge that your anger exists and accept it. My threshold for anger is very little. For some people this is something which happens more frequently, for others it seems easier to avoid becoming angry over most things. But we have to practice this, starting with the people that are closest to us. © Yong Kang Chan. Often times it seems that the goal of INFJ anger is to separate a person from social harmony. Imagine you’re playing a game of tennis – Se is what helps you to stay zoned into the court, the ball, the racket in your hand, and respond to hit the ball at the right time and at the right angle. When INFJs are sincerely angry and choose to express this, it can actually be something which leaves others feeling frightened with just how intense it is. The more you try to tell an angry person to calm down, the angrier the person gets. To manage your anger properly, you have to first learn to recognize and accept its existence. I know there’s a violent person residing inside of me. Instead of accepting my angry feelings, they are mostly ignored and denied. Why can’t he be angry? INFJs tend to get stuck in analysis-paralysis before they react to something. When you can’t blame or direct your anger at someone or something else, the anger gets directed inward. Especially, aren’t we the personality type that desires harmony and dislikes violence and conflict? INFJ rage is as rare as the INFJ personality type. But when their parents did not give them what they desire or failed to meet their emotional needs, they feel hurt, angry, and unloved. Do you have any insight or experiences to share? Usually, our Fe function will win since it’s our more dominant one, while Fi is our blind spot. Some people can think that this behavior is passive-aggressive or that INFJs are giving them the “silent treatment.” However, this quiet stage is an INFJs way of sorting out the information through intuition and thinking without getting overwhelmed by the emotions of everyone else. I was bullied by my classmate because I refused to let him copy my homework.